Relationships are a Choice

Relationships are a choice... yes even family relationships. It's said that you can't help the family in which you're born, but you can help how you treat those family members. And you can help how you react when you feel you've been mistreated by others.

With blended families, that choice is even more important. I'll talk about that in a future blog.

For now, let's discuss family relationships. I was raised with three older brothers. Yes, I was the youngest, and the only girl...and probably a bit spoiled! My brothers knew how to work this to their advantage though.

On family trips, if they wanted to stop at Dairy Queen for a treat, my brothers nudged me and said "Hey, Beck, ask Dad if we can stop for ice cream." It was me who had to "ask Dad." They knew their chances were better if I did the asking.

As we've grown older and have lived our separate lives and even celebrated the fact that one of my brothers became a grandfather this year (gasp!), we could easily not remain close. Especially since the four of us live in three different states.

In fact, with one of my brothers, there was a period of time that we weren't getting along so well... we had lost our "friendship." Yes, we still hugged, were glad to see each other at family gatherings, and all of that. But we had lost that deeper connection that I still had with my other two brothers. It saddened me, but I chalked it up to the fact that we had gotten older and just went our separate ways.

Then there came a wonderful weekend. A spontaneous visit that turned out to be the weekend where my brother and I spent time one-on-one. Despite my parents and my husband being part of this weekend, something was in the air, and my brother and I were left alone on my parents back patio, and talked for hours.

It was one of those good talks. We started our discussing our mutual interests like writing and tennis, although he's a big fan of Rafa Nadal and I'm a fan of Roger Federer. That only made the conversation more endearing. We talked of our childhood and laughed at our different recollections of the same event.

In a single conversation (although long conversation), my brother and I found our connection again. We focused on our commonality, and respected our differences. We made the choice to be friends again, and hang on to our relationship.

While in some ways, I have an easier relationship with my other two brothers, I will always appreciate this special time I spent with this third brother.

Thankfully, I can tell you stories of special times with each of my brothers. I am grateful that we all have the bond where we choose to be friends and choose to be a part of one another's lives.

It's so easy to walk away... and with certain friendships and relationships, sometimes you need to walk away.

But my brothers and I have chosen to remain as close as we possibly can. We choose to enjoy the times we spend together and do our best to respect our differences.

We'll talk more about our relationship choices again.

But for now, what about you? What choices are you making in your family relationships?

Idols and Addictions

In talking about relationships, I guess I would be remiss if I didn't discuss our "relationship" with other things, like food, alcohol, television, shopping or any other types of addictions. My church recently had a message about "idols" in our life. Idols that replace God as first in our lives, like money, material possessions and more.

We all struggle with something. There's some addiction or idol that's distracting our focus from where it ought to be, on God, and on His plan for our lives. In our efforts to seek comfort, we beat up on ourselves, and then the cycle begins again. Why do you think there are terms like "emotional eating" and "retail therapy?" We're seeking comfort.

So, how do we get past these idols in our path? It's very difficult. Very difficult. But you start one day at a time. Try to eat a little less, replace that bad habit with a good habit, live a cash-only life to curb your retail shopping habits, turn off the TV. And don't forget the power of prayer.

Don't forget the power of friendships. It's so hard to open up about some of these issues in our lives. As you know from last Tuesday's blog post, I have a hard time opening up and choose to remain private. But I know the times when someone opens up to me and shares, then there is a blessing in sharing together, in leaning on one another as we deal with our struggles.

So, while there are times when we are embarrassed, ashamed or angry with ourselves, we need to know we're not alone. There are others struggling with the same addiction or battling the same idol...

Look around you... it could be a dear friend.

How can we open up and help each other? How can we minister to each other and feel less alone?

Any ideas?

Reaching Out

Last week, I talked about "Digging deeper" with friendships. That seemed to be something that at least a few of us can relate to.

Well, over the weekend, I did some reaching out of my own. I am a proud member of American Christian Fiction Writers (www.acfw.com) and in the spirit of full-disclosure, I also work for them. I work for ACFW because I love the organization. I'd still be a member even without being employed by them.

I like ACFW because it is an organization that encourages and supports writers. We cheer each other on and we want to see all of us succeed in publishing the stories God's given us to write. We all have stories to tell and we all want to succeed. Instead of fostering a spirit of competitiveness, ACFW fosters a spirit of support and of "we're all in this together."

With that in mind, I reached out via Facebook and on the ACFW loop for help in naming my blog and for help in "liking" my author page on Facebook (www.facebook.com/rebeccalvincent, in case you're interested). And without hesitation, without question, the "likes" drastically increased, and name suggestions for this blog increased as well.

I tried to take the time to thank everyone individually for "liking" my page. Hope I didn't miss anyone, because I truly appreciated it and was touched that they would do this.

Any one in the writing business, knows it's tough to develop an author "platform" and create that place where readers can find you. It's all about making those connections. It's a bit daunting, because writers would rather write, and not promote.

However, a comment from one of my writing friends brought me to tears. When I thanked her for the "like", she responded: "Of course! You're always so helpful to everyone else, time we helped you! Blessings and Joy."

That statement alone epitomizes how I feel about ACFW, and my other favorite writing group My Book Therapy (www.mybooktherapy.com). It's all about helping each other and supporting each other.

How would our lives be if we did this in the world around us? If we fostered a spirit of encouragement and support?

I can only hope and pray my writing, and more importantly, my friendship and relationships with others, will be a blessing to them. But today is a day when I feel overwhelmed with blessings.

So, what would happen if you took a chance and reached out? If you confided in a friend this week about an issue you were having? Do you think there would be an opportunity to bless each other?

Take a chance and let me know. This is a place where we can share. How can we take that first step together and reach out?

(Image courtesy of twobee/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)