My Re-Birthday

My birthday is coming up this week… and it’s one of those BIG birthdays. A milestone.

Whether we like it or not, birthdays keep coming. How do you celebrate your birthday?  Do you dread it – knowing there are a few more wrinkles or more gray hair? Do you just feel “old?”  Or do you say, “Thank you, God. Thank you for my time here, serving you.” 

I am a 2-time cancer survivor. My last diagnosis four years ago came two days before my birthday.  And let me tell you, something like that does change your perspective about your birthday! Suddenly my age didn’t matter. In fact, on my birthday, I didn’t think about the number, about how old I was turning.  What originally had been “uh oh, I’m making the turn for the downhill slide toward 50”, very quickly became “I’m too young.”  I’m too young to be faced with another bout of cancer that could kill me. There’s so much more I had left to do.

Since then, my birthdays have become my “re-birthday.”  A time to re-dedicate myself to Christ. A time to say: “Am I doing what God wants me to do here on earth? Am I dedicating myself to God in my everyday life, in how I live my life? Is His light shining through me?”

Hebrews, Chapter 12, verse 2 says very simply: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.”

But we know we’re all sinners.  There are days when we fall short.  Yet as Christians, we know if we ask, God will forgive us and wipe the slate clean.  Does that mean there aren’t any consequences for our actions?  No. We know better than that. Sometimes what we do can leave scars.

Now, I’m real familiar with scars. Almost 30 years ago, I was in a motorcycle accident.   

Riding on the back of my then-boyfriend’s bike on a wonderful summer day.  A pick-up truck turned in front of us and we had nowhere to go.  We slid sideways into the truck.

I had a compound fracture of my right femur and ended up having four operations on my leg. As you can imagine, that left a scar—quite a long one – that goes from my knee all the way up to the top of my leg.  My husband calls it my zipper.

Now, I have more scars across my chest.  There are two ways you can look at scars. It’s easy to look at scars and believe they’re ugly and disfiguring.  With scars, you know you’ll never look the same way again as you did before.

Or you can look at scars as a sign of strength and survival, as God’s blessing.  You may ask yourself “What? Scars as a blessing? After the trauma that caused them?”

Yes, scars are a blessing.  My scars tell me that I’m still here. That God carried me through those surgeries, and that He has work for me to do here on earth. 

 

There’s a wonderful old hymn, written in 1922:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in his wonderful face

And the things of earth will go strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace

So, on my upcoming birthday, as I reach my milestone of 50 years old, I’m not going to moan about my gray hair, or the deepening of my crow’s feet.  I want to have a re-birthday. I want it to be a celebration, and a re-dedication of my life to God.  He gave me this life, and I want to use it for His purpose.

I need to remember that God is always there, even through the dark times. As I mentioned, my last diagnosis came two days before my birthday, which was a Friday.  I was at home and grappling with the emotional side of being told I had cancer again.  Then the mail came.   

There was a package from my mother – a birthday present.

With tears still in my eyes from hearing the devastating cancer news, I opened my present.  Inside was a silver necklace. And on it was one word:  BELIEVE.

Mom later told me she doesn’t know why she sent me the necklace.  It had been a gift to her.  But she doesn’t wear silver…ever.  So, it was just sitting in her jewelry box, never to be worn. As my birthday approached, Mom thought she’d send it to me, not knowing it would arrive on such an awful day.

Although I was facing a long journey with cancer, and another birthday, there, in my hands, was a reminder to stay strong and believe.

Believe that God has a plan for your life. Enjoy every moment of getting older.  You can’t go back anyway.  I’m excited to see what God has in store for me.  So, on my birthday, or any day, I want to take time to thank God for my life and to re-dedicate myself to Him.  To really dedicate myself to what His will is for me.  I may show a few battle scars from life, but if my eyes are focused on Him, then His light will shine.  His light is more beautiful than any cosmetic I can apply anyway.  It’s not just a birthday; I want to have a re-birthday -- focused on Him --- and just BELIEVE.

So, how will you celebrate your next birthday?

 

Idols and Addictions

In talking about relationships, I guess I would be remiss if I didn't discuss our "relationship" with other things, like food, alcohol, television, shopping or any other types of addictions. My church recently had a message about "idols" in our life. Idols that replace God as first in our lives, like money, material possessions and more.

We all struggle with something. There's some addiction or idol that's distracting our focus from where it ought to be, on God, and on His plan for our lives. In our efforts to seek comfort, we beat up on ourselves, and then the cycle begins again. Why do you think there are terms like "emotional eating" and "retail therapy?" We're seeking comfort.

So, how do we get past these idols in our path? It's very difficult. Very difficult. But you start one day at a time. Try to eat a little less, replace that bad habit with a good habit, live a cash-only life to curb your retail shopping habits, turn off the TV. And don't forget the power of prayer.

Don't forget the power of friendships. It's so hard to open up about some of these issues in our lives. As you know from last Tuesday's blog post, I have a hard time opening up and choose to remain private. But I know the times when someone opens up to me and shares, then there is a blessing in sharing together, in leaning on one another as we deal with our struggles.

So, while there are times when we are embarrassed, ashamed or angry with ourselves, we need to know we're not alone. There are others struggling with the same addiction or battling the same idol...

Look around you... it could be a dear friend.

How can we open up and help each other? How can we minister to each other and feel less alone?

Any ideas?

Going Deeper with Friendship

As we take this blog in a new direction by examining relationships, I find myself examining my own relationships. Comments from a couple of friends of mine have really stuck in my head. These people have mentioned offhandedly that I am too private, that I don't share with them my problems or my worries. I didn't share with them things I've done. One of my friends was surprised to learn that I had a speaking engagement in the months previous to this conversation. That's pretty minor, yet why wouldn't I share something like that? It's exciting!

So that got me thinking, why didn't I share that with her? Am I too guarded? Do I not open up enough with my friends?

I know I want to have deeper relationships. I think sometimes I hold back because I don't want to come across as the whiny friend, the desperate friend, the one who always needs something or is always complaining.

Unfortunately I have a friend like this. It got to the point where I dreaded the phone calls from this person because I knew it would be something negative. This is someone I've known since high school. But this was also one of my friends who told me that I never shared any problems I had or anything I was going through at the time. She took it as an offense that I wouldn't open up to her. That has stuck in my brain and really got to me. I don't consider myself someone who's not sharing and not open. But in a way, it's true, although I consider myself a very caring person.

In my small group at church were discussing ways to go deeper in our relationships with each other and how can we really make the group something special and dynamic. So I have an opportunity in front of me to go deeper yet I still feel myself holding back.

I can't figure out what holds me back from letting people in a little deeper. I have friends that I share things with, but they are few. My husband is my best friend, and he probably knows me better than anyone. But why won't I go deeper with my other friends, those I care about and want in my life?

Does my "fear" of being too whiny and needy outweigh me "going deeper" with my friends... trusting them? Do I fear rejection? Is the bigger question: am I missing out on more meaningful friendships by holding back?

What advice do you have? What experiences have you had in trusting your friends, and really confiding in them?

I look forward to hearing from you.

(Photo credit: Photos_by_Lis / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND)