Family Ties

Families can be complicated, can't they?  We feel lost if we don't have them, yet sometimes, well…

Recently, my family had our annual Cousin Reunion.  A reunion of cousins, you may ask?  Yep.  You see, there are a whole bunch of us.  56 first cousins.  There are 50 of us left, and a few years ago we started gathering together to celebrate "family." 

Twenty-three first cousins - Sept. 2013

Originally we had 13 aunts and uncles. Today there are only four of the aunts and uncles left and the days of the big family reunions seemed to be of a bygone era.

But thankfully, we've revived this tradition. 

We all know families can be complicated – sometimes we can't get along without them, and sometimes they can seem like a necessary evil.

I'm thankful to say that I love my family. I love these reunions with my cousins. For a lot of us, our cousins were not only our first friends, but sometimes, our only friends growing up.

So, what's the purpose of my thoughts today?  I think my brother said it best: after this reunion he felt refreshed.  We had a weekend to love, hug, laugh, and appreciate our history and our ancestors.  

Being with each other unites us and grounds us.  We're part of something special.

And every once in a while it's good to reminded of how special our family ties are.

Guest Post: What One Little Brother Did

Note from Becky: I'm so pleased to welcome fellow writer from ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers), Joi Copeland, who is my guest blogger today. Following my blog post last week about reconnecting with my brother, Joi shares a story about her uncle reconnecting with her dad. Thank you for sharing this story, Joi!

What One Little Brother Did

I don't drink coffee with her, I'll have tea or some type of beverage. But that isn't the case with this Stoffels clan.

My dad decided to step away from his family some 25 years ago, not my sisters and me, but his siblings and parents. He may have had contact with them once in a blue moon, but that was mostly due to his parents' dying or his other sister's death. Certainly not because of anything else.

Until my Uncle Mike (Dad's little brother) and Aunt Ronda decided otherwise. My Aunt was pretty adamant about Uncle Mike reconnecting with family. So Mike began with his nieces and bided his time with my dad. He'd tell us kids to let my father know that he loved him and was ready to see him when my dad was. No pressure.

Then the day came finally when my dad said he wanted to see his brother. I think I cried when I got that phone call. I was ecstatic and wished I could be a fly on the wall.

But it didn't stop there. Nope. My dad spoke with my Aunt Gayle while spending time with his baby brother. Again, I think I cried.

Miracles upon miracles what the love and desire of my aunt and uncle accomplished with their persistence and patience. Nothing but God Himself could have prepared the way for this to happen.

Then, my dad was going to spend his second weekend at my uncle's house. My other uncle, Rick, planned to have my aunt see her brother for the first time in over 25 years.

So, when I called my dad yesterday morning, my heart did a flip, listening to them laugh together....possibly at my dad's expense, but hey, I like to pick on him.

Wiping the slate clean. Determination. Love. Those are the things that allowed this to happen.

Which leads me to Jesus. Most everything leads me to Jesus. Wiping the slate clean. That's what He did when He died on the cross for our sins. Every day, His mercies are new. Our sins are as far as the east is from the west. Determination kept Him on the cross. He was determined to bridge the gap between us and God.

Love. That's what lead Him to the cross. His love for humanity, for mankind, for you, and for me. Love.

Dad, Aunt Ronda, Uncle Mike, Aunt Gayle, and Uncle Rick, I'm so proud to call you all family! I love you all and am so glad you're in my life!

Joi Copeland is married to a wonderful man, Chris, and has three amazing boys, Garrison, Gage, and Gavin. She is living the dream in beautiful Denver, Colorado. Joi loves being a wife and mom! She enjoys spending time with her sister Steffanne, and loves to sit and have a cup of coffee or tea with friends! She's been a Christian for over twenty years. Following Jesus has been the best decision she has ever made. Joi's books are Hope for Tomorrow, Hope for the Journey, Christmas Rayne, and Sheriff Bride Rob's Story.

Sneak Preview for Tuesday

Please check back this coming Tuesday, 4/23 for a wonderful post by guest blogger, Joi Copeland. Following this last Tuesday's post about reconnecting with my own brother, Joi tells the story of how her uncle reconnected with her father.

See you Tuesday!

Joi Copeland is married to a wonderful man, Chris, and has three amazing boys, Garrison, Gage, and Gavin. She is living the dream in beautiful Denver, Colorado. Joi loves being a wife and mom! She enjoys spending time with her sister Steffanne, and loves to sit and have a cup of coffee or tea with friends! She's been a Christian for over twenty years. Following Jesus has been the best decision she has ever made. Joi's books are Hope for Tomorrow, Hope for the Journey, Christmas Rayne, and Sheriff Bride Rob's Story.

Relationships are a Choice

Relationships are a choice... yes even family relationships. It's said that you can't help the family in which you're born, but you can help how you treat those family members. And you can help how you react when you feel you've been mistreated by others.

With blended families, that choice is even more important. I'll talk about that in a future blog.

For now, let's discuss family relationships. I was raised with three older brothers. Yes, I was the youngest, and the only girl...and probably a bit spoiled! My brothers knew how to work this to their advantage though.

On family trips, if they wanted to stop at Dairy Queen for a treat, my brothers nudged me and said "Hey, Beck, ask Dad if we can stop for ice cream." It was me who had to "ask Dad." They knew their chances were better if I did the asking.

As we've grown older and have lived our separate lives and even celebrated the fact that one of my brothers became a grandfather this year (gasp!), we could easily not remain close. Especially since the four of us live in three different states.

In fact, with one of my brothers, there was a period of time that we weren't getting along so well... we had lost our "friendship." Yes, we still hugged, were glad to see each other at family gatherings, and all of that. But we had lost that deeper connection that I still had with my other two brothers. It saddened me, but I chalked it up to the fact that we had gotten older and just went our separate ways.

Then there came a wonderful weekend. A spontaneous visit that turned out to be the weekend where my brother and I spent time one-on-one. Despite my parents and my husband being part of this weekend, something was in the air, and my brother and I were left alone on my parents back patio, and talked for hours.

It was one of those good talks. We started our discussing our mutual interests like writing and tennis, although he's a big fan of Rafa Nadal and I'm a fan of Roger Federer. That only made the conversation more endearing. We talked of our childhood and laughed at our different recollections of the same event.

In a single conversation (although long conversation), my brother and I found our connection again. We focused on our commonality, and respected our differences. We made the choice to be friends again, and hang on to our relationship.

While in some ways, I have an easier relationship with my other two brothers, I will always appreciate this special time I spent with this third brother.

Thankfully, I can tell you stories of special times with each of my brothers. I am grateful that we all have the bond where we choose to be friends and choose to be a part of one another's lives.

It's so easy to walk away... and with certain friendships and relationships, sometimes you need to walk away.

But my brothers and I have chosen to remain as close as we possibly can. We choose to enjoy the times we spend together and do our best to respect our differences.

We'll talk more about our relationship choices again.

But for now, what about you? What choices are you making in your family relationships?

Scars

Scars. I don't think there are any of us who haven't dealt with scars one way or the other -- whether physical scars or emotional ones. Right now, I think I'm wrestling with both.

I'm used to scars. I was in a motorcycle accident when I was 20 years old, and ended up with a compound fracture of my right femur and had four operations on my leg. Thankfully, I walk, talk and can go dancing. With physical therapy, I was nearly good as new. By the way, I think physical therapists are fantastic! They're very special folks and really do their best to get you back to "normal." Again, after any accident or surgery, there's a "new normal." However, if there's a "normal" to get to, your PT's will help you get there!

Ok, I digress...The result of my leg surgery were scars. I have one that goes from my knee to the top of my leg. My hubby calls it my zipper. This scar really only bothered me in the summer -- when I'd wear shorts or a swimsuit. But it didn't take long for me to dress how I wanted and not worry about hiding my zipper. I didn't want my scars to run my life.

Now, I have more scars across my chest. Of course, these are easier to hide. But they're still there.

There are two ways you can look at scars. It’s easy to look at scars and believe they’re ugly and disfiguring. With scars, you know you’ll never look the same way again as you did before.

Or you can look at scars as a sign of strength and survival, as God’s blessing. You may ask yourself “What? Scars as a blessing? After the trauma that caused them?”

Yes, scars are a blessing. My scars tell me that I’m still here. After a while, I learned to look at my scars as a sign of strength and survival. Going through that accident and the recovery, and going through cancer not once, but twice, has made me realize I was stronger than I thought I was.
That God carried me through those surgeries, and that He has work for me to do here on earth.

Would I feel that faith and feel this strength had I not gone through these experiences? I was talking with my cousin last week. In future blog posts, I hope to share more about my cousins. We are blessed to be a part of the same family, as most of us choose to go beyond just being cousins, and choose to be brothers, sisters and friends.

So, I was chatting with my special cousin-sister. She fights her own daily battle against a physically debilitating disease: arthritis.
This is not the disease just for aging. She's had this as long as I can remember, and has to deal with physical pain and the crippling effects every single day. But she told me, she wouldn't be the same person without this disease. It has made her stronger, made her the person she is today. And I must say, she is beautiful, strong, and sunshine in our lives. If you didn't know what she battles every day, you would think she didn't have a care in the world. She is such a bright light, and like me, would credit family and faith for getting her through her days.

My cousin and I have a kinship. She was also in a serious accident when she was younger. And now we know we are more beautiful for what we've endured, despite the physical changes on the outside. We are blessed to have our family, to have our faith and prayers for each other, and blessed to have our scars, both inside and out. We're stronger for our pain, and know God will use this for His purpose in those around us.

I'm thankful for my cousins and the scars we share.

Keep on truckin' everyone.